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Live to Learn

For this project, I was required to commit to a topic and learn as much as I could about it. I opted to practice Pranayama daily for a month and journal about my experience. Although I won’t be typing out my entries here I will give you some tidbits from my personal experience with different breath work practices.

As part of my preparation I read several books on the topic: BKS Iyegar’s ‘Light on Pranayama’, James Nestor’s ‘Breath’, Andrew Smart & Eric Nyquist’s ‘Breathwork’, and Nathalia Westmacott-Brown’s ‘Breathwork’. 

My favourite being Breath by James Nestor. I posted a tiny bit about in on my instagram account in February and wouldn't shut up about the book to anyone willing to listen. Possibly one of the most interesting facts from the book is that our noses have erectile tissue in them that gets engorged when sexually stimulated; aka the inside of your nose gets an erection!

He goes over such interesting studies including carbon dioxide therapy. The benefits are extraordinary and basically it’s a fast-tract to experiencing the positive side effects of hypoventilation without having to spend tons of time training your lungs to breath-hold for 30 second stretches of time. This therapy can significantly reduce depression and anxiety levels.

In the book, Mr. Nestor also notes that the optimal regular breathing pattern is a 5.5 second inhale followed by a 5.5 second exhale on continuous repeat.

These were the main takeaways from this book:

  1. Breathe through your nose – shut your mouth!
  2. Less is more – breathe just breathe less
  3. Chew
  4. Exhale
  5. Breathe more on occasion
  6. Hold your breath!
  7. How we breathe matters

He explains several different breathing practices including: Nadi Shodhana (Alternate Nostril Breathing), breathing coordination, resonant (coherent) breathing, Buteyko breathing (hypoventilation), Tummo (the Wim Hof method), and Sudarshan Kriya.

I had never thought about breathing so much as when I started researching and really diving deep into the breath. It was so fascinating to me to learn how powerful of a force the breath really is and what a profound effect it has on your overall health and well-being. I’m totally hooked and want to keep exploring. I’m currently reading James Nestor’s ‘Deep’ all about free-diving which is also phenomenal. 

Buteyko breathing brought my mind back to my swimming days when I would take a tiny sip of air then take 2-3x my typical stroke count and would continue in that pattern for several lengths. We also used to 'train our lungs' by swimming entire lengths of the pool underwater. I used to be able to swim almost 40 meters underwater on a single breath. There's something familiar and comforting in practicing this breath work even though at times it feels like I'm suffocating or that my lungs might explode. There's a sense of coming back to my roots and it has been the type of breath work that has caught my attention the most.

I explored how to use resonant breathing to achieve a flow state in January with Wanderlust's free 21 day yoga challenge. We were taught resonant breathing on day one and then practiced it throughout the 21 days that followed. It was really calming yet energizing. Wanderlust's Schuyler Grant paired the resonant breathing with specific music that helped to maintain that breath pattern through the practice. If you ever get a chance to do a resonant breathing challenge I would highly recommend it.
I have practiced Nadi Shodhana and was familiar already with alternate nostril breathing but I did find it sometimes made my head feel funny after practicing for several minutes. This is meant to be calming and typically is as it forces you to breath less and slower. 
On August 13 I attended a virtual workshop on Sudarshan Kriya through the Art of Living foundation. I honestly found it to be a waste of time and a money grab which is really unfortunate. They only went through Bhastrika and a short meditation. They didn't do the 3 stage pranayama, Om chanting or Sudharshan kriya which is what I was expecting them to offer. At the end they sent me into a break off room with an employee or volunteer who tried getting me to sign up for a weekend workshop. She was so pushy it was really uncomfortable and I was not prepared for this. I honestly wish I had just searched Sudharshan Kriya on YouTube. I will say that Bhastrika breathing is really energizing and grounding. I had practiced it during a meditation class I attended in past and it was really enjoyable.
Tummo is next on my list to try, I have a few friends who want to practice this method while in a cold plunge bath. I am tempted but don’t want to run the risk of passing out and subsequently drowning since I don’t own a plunge tub. Check out this video to learn a little bit more on the topic. 
I initially began reading this book. BKS Iyengar is a legend in the yoga world and is highly respected as a knowledgeable authority. That being said, I couldn't for the life of me get into this book. I found all the scientific jargon confusing. It definitely is an informative book and I am glad that I read it. It just wasn't my favourite for the fact that it wasn't simple enough to read. I occasionally tried some breathing exercises from here but preferred to use other resources that I found easier to digest.  
I am really enjoying this book as a quick directory where I can look up exactly what symptom or situation I'm experiencing and get a tailored breath work exercise to use in that moment. It's simple and to the point. If you're looking for practical breathing exercises broken down in steps this is the book for you. I also appreciate the beautiful drawn images throughout. 
This book outlines the steps for things like Holotropic Breathwork, Zen, Pranayama (Box breathing, alternate nostril breathing, lion breath), three-part-breath, Wim Hof Method, Kundalini and running breath. It is sorted based on technique but the initial page for each technique explains when it's useful to practice and who needs it as well as a quick summary of what it is. I really enjoy this as a reference book. It's a lot more text than the other breathwork book listed above.

Honestly, I feel like I have just barely touched the tip of the iceberg. I think I would like to do more guided breath work courses in the future. It is absolutely remarkable how impactful the breath truly is on your body and mind. I’ve noticed more calm, clarity, productivity and more distance between stimulus and response over the course of this month. I’m excited to see what other benefits come from this daily pranayama practice.

I’m curious to hear, what are your favourite resources related to pranayama?

xoxo
Yoga Mama

Buddha baby N2

Somehow Buddha baby N1 is just over 2.5 years old and our family has welcomed Buddha baby N2 approximately six months ago in the middle of a pandemic.

I’d like to sit here and tell you that over the past year and a half I have followed my passion and gone back to career number 1, but that would be a big fat lie. I did however switch positions in career number 2 and although it did not magically make me adore my job it did significantly diminish the amount of disrespect I deal with so that’s a positive. When debating making the switch in my career versus totally readjusting course, the political climate totally changed and jobs in both career fields got a little hairy. I decided it was best to keep the job security at least until after expanding our family.

So… I stuck it out which is convenient because about a week into my new position, I conceived Buddha baby N2. If I had jumped ship there’s no guarantee that I would have worked enough hours to qualify for maternity leave. I’m very grateful to have health coverage and a guaranteed job to go back to at the end of my leave. I know that employment security is very unstable at this point in time #thanksCOVID, so I am not taking it for granted.

Life has continued to ebb and flow and believe me the lows have outweighed the highs in a lot of respects. Asides from the fact that 2020 threw a pandemic my way, I also had a post VBAC haemorrhage requiring a couple blood transfusions for a total of 2L of blood just to buy me the time to get to the IR for an arterial embolization [it’s a really cool procedure if you’re interested in learning more]. That was a super wakeup call for me. I realized that if I keep putting off things that I want to do, I might not get the opportunity to do it. So I finally decided to look into Modo Yoga Teacher Training. The great news is thanks to the pandemic teacher training shifted online. This meant it was finally accessible to this mama of young babes.

So in October 2020 I hopped onto Zoom to meet my sangha and begin my next journey. I have to say that it was amazing and transformative and probably deserves it’s own post. What I will mention here is that I finally felt like I was coming home to myself and who I am at my core. If you’re a parent, you know that it’s so easy to lose your sense of self once you have kids. It’s not intentional. One morning you just wake up and go “where the fuck is Tiffany?” And you literally don’t know where your pre-baby self went or how to even tap back into that former version of yourself. Now, this isn’t entirely bad, growth is good. Being a mama is delightful. But y’know being a complete human on your own is pretty rad too.

I’m now 300 hour Hatha yoga certified. Woot woot! And am completing a slew of projects to get my remaining 200 hours for a combined 500 hour certification. I am beyond excited to finally get to share my practice with all of you lovely souls.

As 2020 comes to a close, and I work towards continuing to build upon my health in 2021, I welcome you to walk alongside me as I learn more about the healing properties of this beautiful practice.

So that’s where I’ve been. And my goal is to be a wee bit more consistent from now on… but clearly that isn’t a strong suit of mine so please give me grace (and occasionally a swift kick in the ass).

Oh and for anyone wondering, Buddha baby N2 is also a boy, and he is honestly zen goals. I am so grateful to have two healthy and happy Buddha babies.

With love,
Yoga Mama

It’s been a year already?

And just like that Buddha Baby is 13 months old, I am back at work and squarely back to struggling with transition.

There are many different types of people in the world, one of those being those people who transition very easily and adapt well to change. This is where you need to realize that I am not that type of person. I’m the “attempt to plan every detail and set up a solid foundation that I can ground myself on and then go through the motions” type of person. Clearly that is not realistic and so I tend to create un-necessary mental turmoil for myself.

If you are one of the first types.. I’m here. I’m listening… please impart your wisdom on me!

If you fit more so into my type… I’m here. Commiserate with me!

Let’s back things up a bit. I had mixed emotions to going back to work. I was heading back to a job that I took a voluntary year long unpaid leave from starting just before I conceived Buddha Baby. I knew it was a job that had severely impacted my mental health prior to taking this leave. And yet something in me said that I needed to give it another shot to see if now that I was different and some staff was different if things would have changed for the better. Spoiler alert: it still sucks. But before I re-entered this position I honestly believed that I would do better. That magically I would be able to handle the constant disrespect easier because I had somehow developed this newfound patience and understanding. Nope that patience and understanding seems to be reserved for Buddha Baby, namely when he’s teething, or when he’s all congested from daycare- look at how well he shares!

The scary thing is that the disrespect that is part of my day to day at work is universally experienced in people with the same role as me. I meet individuals 25 years into their careers who are still dealing with the same issues. And it is by far the biggest roadblock in my career. It makes me question is this really worth it? Am I really helping anyone?

Now this may be one of those areas where I could overlook the disrespect if this was my life’s burning passion and I couldn’t live without it. But two weeks into my degree (my third and final degree for now) I was ready to call it quits and throw in the towel. I had never been so unhappy with where I was at and I knew in all of my being this wasn’t right for me- I was having to sacrifice my mental and physical health and none of the work came easily to me.

I should mention that my first two university degrees were no walk in the park. I had to put in a lot of blood, sweat and tears. But on average the work came easily to me. I understood the concepts I could link them both within the field and cross divisions. Did I have a mental breakdown or two while getting through those years? Of course! But the difference is that, despite it being a lot of work and being difficult, it felt natural.

I somehow got roped into the “you should complete the degree,” “you’ll never regret having more education” ideologies. [Which happen to be complete and utter bullshit. If I can impart one pearl of wisdom on you it’s listen to your body’s screams over your social circle’s beliefs. After all, you’re the only one who has to live with your decisions]. And I continued on in my pursuit of career number two. After graduating I figured I would work some temporary or casual jobs in the field to see if I could do this and then make an informed decision from a place of understanding and wisdom. In reality, I got hired full-time permanent right away which is very rare and immediately stepped onto the hamster wheel feeling like it was my only opportunity to enter the field and not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth or however that saying goes. Needless to say the road has been bumpy.

This transition back to my former roll was intended to be a trial period- work for 3 months, take 2 months to reflect and then assess where to go from there. And the whole, one foot in and one foot out thing is a very difficult act to nail. As someone who, admittedly, doesn’t handle transitions well, giving myself a ‘limbo’ period was kind of a stupid idea. I am now at an impass of: stay in current role until sometime in the undefined future when we will hopefully be able to give Buddha Baby a sibling, switch into a different role within the same career and hope for the best, or get the fuck out and start taking baby steps back  towards career number one.

The past three days I have had this incredible inkling that I am not where I am supposed to be and that I need to go back to my first degree. Shift careers. Start over. Now in my early 20s the thought of switching careers and starting over didn’t scare me. Today, in my late 20s with a husband, a son and a mortgage the idea of the unknown is paralyzing.

I know that people give up their secure jobs everyday to pursue their dreams, and I admire those people. Heck, I even listen to Cathy Heller’s “Don’t Keep your Day Job” podcast every week.  The thought of actually following through on that for myself is overwhelming: what if no one wants to hire me because I’ve been out of the field for so long? What if I can’t find a job closer to home and then I end up having to put Buddha Baby into daycare for longer days? And the list goes on and on… what if, what if, what if? Now Cathy would say these were my limiting beliefs because deep down I don’t think I am worthy. Ouch.

 

Yet I keep coming back to the thought: what am I doing all of this for? Does the pay really matter? And at the end of the day my heart’s answer is no. No it doesn’t. My mind immediately lands on Danielle LaPort’s #truthbomb : Inner attunement over outer attainment. I believe that relationships matter more. I believe that my own physical and mental wellbeing matters most.

Inner attunement over outer attainment. Subscribe_ DanielleLaPorte

And yet, I stumble and I falter and I hesitate. I stay stuck and miserable. This transition period has been frustrating but probably necessary for me to be able to finally let go a little bit and then a little bit more. And I will continue to let go piece by piece until I am able to fully transition to my first career and my first love. The career that my 16 year old self knew I needed.

Until then, I’m so glad you’re along for the ride!

Thanks for taking the time out of your day to hang out with me.

 

Lots of love,

Yoga Mama